?

Log in

   
11:05pm 03/04/2015
  Ended up in th emergency room again so today I went to a chiropractor. I have pinched nerve in my spine. It's good to have an answer. I go back Tuesday for the results of my scan and to begin therapy. My marriage is falling apart. That's about all for now.  
     Post
 
   
08:34pm 31/03/2015
  The meds aren't giving me enough pain relief. I don't have insurance or money to keep going back to the doctor. I need another ct scan possibly x Rays. It's getting bad. I cried earlier because I tried so hard to pick Leo up and I couldn't do it. I'm failing as a mom and a wife because I can't move my back. It's frustrating. It's also scary because I don't know what's causing it how long it will last or if it will ever go away. I'm 27 and moving around like I'm 80. I take so much for granted and don't realise it until I lose it. I wanna pick my kid up and play with him, I want to be able to walk around Disney World with him, coach his little league teams all that stuff parents do. I have a long road of recovery ahead of me. I need to be able to work and support my family. I can't make a living on disability. My husband has to work and can't take care of both of us. I wish doctors weren't so afraid to dispense medication to those who truly need it just because of federal laws because others abuse it. Now I'm just venting. I feel helpless. I hope I can resolve this and get my life back!  
     Post
 
   
04:01pm 27/03/2015
  Had to delete some stuff. I'm working through a lot of anger. That's not how I really want to be remembered. I was given some not so great news from the doctor yesterday. I thought I was having kidney problems again. I thought I'd take some antibiotics and regain mobility in my back and legs again. Turns out my kidneys are fine, good news. I just have severe pain. Bad news. The fact that I can barely get around without excruciating pain and there's really no reason in particular or cure for it. Just muscle relaxers, pain killers and whatever pain is still there, living with it. I have to walk with a cane. I'm embarrassed to go out in public looking like some kind of trauma survivor or an old person. I never thought I'd take my health for granted. I'm depressed about it but luckily they have medication for that too. At least my outlook will improve. Gotta cut it short for now. My sister is on the way to help me with my boy.  
     Post
 
   
07:51am 19/01/2014
  I am only days away from having this baby but I just want to cry. This is the most consistently miserable I've ever been in my entire life. I am fully confident that women who elect to have more than one baby are pathological narcissists and/or some kind of sick, stupid masochists. I will reinstate that comment with renewed emphasis once I have delivered.  
     Read 2 - Post
 
What the hell is wrong with people?   
02:03am 11/07/2013
 
mood: determined
Maybe it's hormones or my over protective motherly instincts kicking in, but I really don't trust anybody aside from my family and the 2 or 3 friends that I lump into my family category anyways. Ever since I got preggo, I've noticed that people are bitter, jealous and spiteful and will sometimes go as far as to come between you and your happiness no matter how much you deserve to be happy. Considering I am running out of room for people in my life I do not feel bad for wanting to identify and cut these people away. Why wouldn't I? My baby needs positive energies around it to thrive and I would never subject my family to such cruelty. Here's a big fat news flash: I love my baby more than life itself and I will do anything to successfully bring it into this world and surround it with love. Do you really think I give a flying fuck about having friends? I care about my child, my husband and my blood family. Everyone else seems pretty insignificant. You can have your opinions about my choices all you want, but I don't have to listen to it or allow you to be a part of it. If anyone deserves this kind of happiness it is Kevin and I after all the bullshit we've been through and if you can't be supportive you can be dead to me. It is sad that I am even having to vent about this issue because people have tried to make me feel unworthy of having a child. Guess what? I control this kid's life, not you and I say you disappear from it or be forcefully removed. Anger aside I have more support than I have of that other crap and for that I am thankful. I will carefully mold mine and my family's life to be free of hurtful people and negativity. This is my one shot at true happiness. You will not ruin this for me. Not this one.
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
11:40am 27/06/2013
  I can't believe lj is still in existence! is anyone out there? i miss this thing.  
     Read 4 - Post
 
   
02:07am 29/10/2008
  say something  
     Read 4 - Post
 
vacation   
11:11pm 23/05/2008
 
mood: beachy
going to the beach on monday. i will bombard your friends page with pictures galore when i come back. brace yourself.
 
     Post
 
   
07:35pm 02/06/2007
  im going away.
i'll come back when i figure shit out
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
05:59pm 30/11/2006
  This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore
 
     Post
 
   
04:31pm 27/02/2006
  11 Reasons Why people think Gay Marriage is Wrong/Illegal

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage would be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

11) Gay couples are a harmful influence on their kids, because all gay couples abuse their kids, daily.
 
     Read 5 - Post
 
   
02:47pm 10/01/2006
  it amuses me how some of these people in the popular music industry call themselves "artists".
*throws head back in laughter*
 
     Post